absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
