my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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