Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
