There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
