I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
