i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
