barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
