he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
