Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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