Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
