i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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