I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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