Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
