So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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