One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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