did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
