Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
