my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
