do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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