never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
