So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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