she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
