I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
