did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
