Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
