I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
