i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
