somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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