Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
