and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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