She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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