That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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