brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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