Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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