where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
