"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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