the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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