she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
