I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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