What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize