Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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