I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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