ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
