someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
