My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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