eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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