i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize