Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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