is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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