Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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