when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
