Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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