you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
