Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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