it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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