I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
