I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
