id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
