God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
