Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
