i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Boobs speak an international language.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
