They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
