There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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