i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
