my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
