So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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