This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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