so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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