I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
