i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
