I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
