I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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