Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
