Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
