I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
