i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
there is puke in my bra ... again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
