Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
