Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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