i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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