yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
