I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
