Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
