bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
