Whod you bang
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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