dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
