Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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