This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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