"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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