the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
