wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize