Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
