Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
