also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I could fuck to npr.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
