yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
