Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
