I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
