i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
