I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
