I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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